Lessons Solomon Didn’t Learn 4

The final lesson Solomon failed to learn is one that is contributing to major problems in our society. Bathsheba taught him a very serious lesson about value of a good mate and what to look for. After legally marrying seven hundred women, and setting up housekeeping with three hundred more, he made the the following comment about the scarcity of good ones in Ecclesiastes 7:27-28. “Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: Which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.”

It is amazing how many people enter marriage with the attitude that if it doesn’t work, I can find somebody else. Divorce among Christians approaches fifty percent, with most non-Christians just not bothering with a wedding. A big part of the problem is that few have been taught to be good husbands or wives, and even many of those have no idea what to look for in seeking a mate.

As a result, we find people who, like Solomon, have numerous marriages in an effort to find a satisfactory mate. Like Solomon, most blame the others for the problems, but the problem is in themselves. Most do not live in a way that makes a good marriage possible. Those who do what they should don’t give serious thought to who they marry and make bad choices. As Bathsheba pointed out, making the right choice can make a tremendous difference. While Solomon is directing his comments to his sons, the principles are the same for women.

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10)

Most people devote far more energy to selecting a career than to selecting a mate. They also devote far more energy to preparing for that career than to preparing for marriage, even though the marriage is far more important than the career. It isn’t surprising that so few marriages work out.

Bathsheba had taken the time to teach Solomon what to look for in a wife, because who one marries has such an impact on one’s life. How many people would have avoided divorce if we had taught them to look for these things in a prospective mate?

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12)

Trust between a husband and wife is essential. A husband or wife who spends the family banking account at the casino or bar, or buys a new car or furniture without consulting their mate can drive the couple into serious debt, forcing their mate to take on a second job or go without things they need. A mate can destroy ones reputation by running up debts or not paying bills. They can also destroy it by false claims of abuse, infidelity, addiction, etc., to friends, employers, family members or . They can also begin to abuse the mate either physically or emotionally. Sexual infidelity is perhaps the most devastating breach of trust of all.

Past behavior is critical to identify potential problems. Luke 16:10 warns, “He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.” A man or woman who cheats on one mate will probably cheat on another. One who has a history of overspending will be likely to do it again. Bitterness and accusations against former friends or partners may indicate a habit.

“She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.” (Proverbs 31:13-15)

A lot of people look at marriage as away to get what they want. They expect their mate to support them completely, while they do as they please. It is important that one’s mate be willing to contribute their share to the marriage. A prospective mate who will not care for their own responsibilities probably won’t when they are married either.

“She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.” (Proverbs 31:16-19)

While a sense of protectiveness may make one feel important and strong, it isn’t much of a basis for marriage. Who wants to married to a child, especially if you want to have children. Someone who is able to make sound decisions and carry out plans without having to have their hand held every step reduces a lot of stress.

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.” (Proverbs 31:20-22)

Marriage is a fifty-fifty affair. However what a lot of people fail to realize that it requires one hundred percent of each partner to make their fifty. Selfishness is definitely an indication that a person would not make a good mate. There should be concern for both the immediate family, for those in need around them, and a desire to please their mate.

“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.” (Proverbs 31:23-25)

Who one marries has a great deal of impact on one’s relationship with other people. Their behavior can turn people away from you and make you unwelcome in various settings. They also affect how far one may advance in their own career by the affect on ones self perception.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26)

No one knows everything, despite the attitude of some. A mate who can provide useful insights can change the outcome of what one attempts. Angry, disrespectful, and derogatory speech, on the other hand, can be very disheartening and emotionally hurtful. How does the prospective mate treat others?

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27)

A good marriage requires that both parties place the common good above their own personal agenda. While getting one’s way is very gratifying, it weakens the relationship. How self willed is the prospective mate?

“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.” (Proverbs 31:28-29)

The trouble to find a fitting mate, or to become one, will pay off in respect from one’s mate and in pleasure for both parties. It will make marriage satisfactory for both parties. Clearly, more is required than the focus on finding someone who makes one laugh is needed. The most common factors, such as looks or clothing or wealth are so superficial as to be meaningless. Our “soul mate” may be totally unsatisfactory for a lasting marriage. Until we teach young people to prepare themselves and to make wise choices, the present divorce problem will probably continue.

“Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:30-31)

The results of taking the time to make wise marriages will speak for themselves in stronger, happier marriages and lives.