The Dance of Marriage

Since they both enjoyed dancing, a couple decided to take lessons in ballroom dancing, figuring it would be a way of getting exercise while spending time together.  After a few lessons, both had a pretty good idea how the dances should go but found it very frustrating and exhausting.  Instead of working smoothly together as they had imagined, they found themselves awkward and erratic in their movements and a couple of times one or both had fallen, and they were beginning to dread the lessons.

One of the instructors took them aside and explained that there was a certain role that each had to play for the dance to work.   Most of  the twirls, kicks and fancy moves involved the wife.  The man’s most important contribution was to keep her from falling or crashing into something, freeing her to concentrate on her moves.  While it didn’t require a lot of strength, it was critical that the man not be off balance or out of position to prevent falls.

It would be critical for the wife to let the husband lead, so he would not be taken off balance by her moves.  Much of the awkwardness and the falls had resulted from her moving in an unexpected direction or at a time when her husband wasn’t in the proper position.   Since many moves started with her facing away, she wasn’t able to see where she was going, so her husband was having to try to control her moves to prevent collisions.

Knowing that she was the better dancer, and having fallen a couple of times, the wife found it very hard to just follow her husband’s lead.  Finally the instructor danced with her in an effort to show her what he meant.  A couple of times she almost fell because she caught him off guard before she began to understand the importance of letting him lead.

As she learned to let her husband lead, she found that dancing was much less stressful. Even though their moves were not smooth or graceful, they no longer had to worry about falling or crashing into something.

The instructor told them that the man could not learn to lead until the wife learned to follow.   Much of the lack of smoothness and grace was resulting from the man having to change positions so he could support her weight.  Learning to plan ahead eliminate the awkwardness, and they began to hope some day they would be able to really enjoy it.

When the instructor insisted he quit trying to spin her and let her control it herself, her spins became much more graceful and the husband found it more enjoyable and far less exhausting.  Finally, the instructor helped them to develop a means of communication through almost imperceptible changes in pressure and contact that made their dance look as effortless as if a single mind controlled both of them.

The dynamics of a Godly marriage are much the same as those of ballroom dancing.  Until the wife learns to submit to her husband, just not falling down is a major accomplishment.   Parents who have taught their daughter to submit to them have done a great deal to prepare them for marriage.
The man still has to learn to plan for both of them, but cannot if he is forced to constantly react to an unexpected action by his wife that throws them off balance.   Until he learns to relinquish enough control so she can do her part freely, the marriage will be stiff and uncomfortable for both, and until they become so aware of what they are signaling each other, they will not function as the one flesh God intended them